Soft sounds don’t make up for the root word. – Yesterday PBS had a clip featuring a little girl named Latrina. The name flows off the tongue beautifully, and it looks really feminine with the la and the ina. BUT, when you hear the name Latrina don’t you immediately wonder if the parents came up with the name while they were in the bathroom?
“Honey, I am just plumb wore out trying to think of something to name our little peach! And could you bring me some toilet paper?”
“Darling, please don’t speak to me while you’re on the latrine. It’s a little gross.”
“By George! That’s it! LATRINA!” Cue hallelujah chorus…
Words in this category = Latrina, Analise
The meaning doesn’t make up for the way it sounds. – Yes, Pulani is a Polynesian word meaning “heavenly flower”, and that’s lovely, but your kid has to live with poo as the first syllable of her name. Most of the general public is going to think less “Birds of Paradise” and more “dookie”.
If it’s not your heritage, ask permission. – It seems unfair to overuse a foreign name. Four out of five girls under the age of 4 are named Bella. It’s pretty, but for goodness sake, this name is slapped on Irish and Indian kids alike. Italians don’t even want to use it anymore, it’s become so generic.
Don’t name your kids after an image you’re trying to create. – If your kids are named Dakota, Cord, and Roper it doesn’t immediately make everyone think, “Oh, that must be an awesome, rugged, cowboy family!” It makes us think, “What the crap? Don’t they live down the street from us? What’s with the cowboy theme?”
Don’t play the inanimate object game. – Please don’t just pick a random word you think sounds tough and cool and slap it on your kid’s birth certificate. Gunner, Rope, Cord, Gauge, Flower, Apple… Those aren’t names. They’re nouns. You might as well name your kid, kid. Uh, wait…. Some people do that. Which brings up the next category:
Changing the spelling doesn’t make the word a name. – Kidd, Walkyr, Rainn. You get the picture.
For the love of Pete, don’t reference the conception. – I know it might seem really special to name your kid Denver or Dallas because that’s where you did the deed that changed your life forever, but your kid is probably going to HATE that thought. If the question, “What’s your name?” is going to send him up to a high-rise roof top desperate to erase a horrible mental picture, you should probably just move to the next name on your list.
Alternate suggestions: Susan, Anna, John, James, Mike, Brad… Don’t worry, these aren’t all that common anymore. Your kid will probably be the only James in his class.
Awesome post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.
So, you weren’t in Sydney roughly three years ago?? hehe. Just kidding.
Gross.
hehehe.
I’d like to add some names that should be off limits to your list:
Nevaeh – I get it. Heaven backward, but really? Am I the only one that doesn’t think it looks like a word, much less a name??
Brayden, Aiden, Jaden, Caden (Yes, I realize this is hypocritical of me, but it’s for purely selfish reasons I wish people would stop using these names)
Chance – seriously, people, we don’t need to know this child wasn’t planned.
Tre’ (We get it. You have three kids. Congratulations.)
AND chances are if you need an apostrophe to spell your child’s name it is not a name at all. It is merely syllables you’ve strung together in an attempt to try to be original.
I’m Kendra and these are my two cents.
great post – very funny – I had written up some “New Parent Rules” on my blog and included:
No matter how cute and strange and creative a name you come up with for your progeny, it will never fill up your endless need for attention.